I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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