Your dad touched me again.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
