i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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