she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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