Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
