used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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