I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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