i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
