mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
