My room smells like vodka and shame
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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