1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
