No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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