My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
