piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
