I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
