pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
