eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
