a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
