it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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