a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
