I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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