So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
the liver wants what the liver wants
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
