Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
