clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
