At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
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I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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