dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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