There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Never joke about your clitoris.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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