So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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