i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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