i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I will be naked everywhere
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
