I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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