A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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