Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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