READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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