So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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