A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
