I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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