Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
