how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
