My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
