so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
