my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
