i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish you could order shots online.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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