Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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