and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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