omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
All the doctor said was why
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
