After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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