the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize