Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
