Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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