I have demons in me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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