When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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