How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
