my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
