i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
