what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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