Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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