Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
