you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
