Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
