I wish my penis had an off switch
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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