too bad you live with your parents still
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
