Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
