amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
