I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
