opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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