i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Your cock deserves a montage
You're a waste of cheezeits
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
