His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
