I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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