It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
