walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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