this beer tastes like vomit already
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
