she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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